Bushel of Corn

Ok, three should do it.  Writing with music or without?  Dunknow.

Ok, three’s a charm.  I’ve started and stopped three times…this is the final start.  I’m going from here.  Fear fills the air.  If these posts, these three posts are so shitty now, no one will come back.  Fuck ’em I suppose.  Not you, of course.  Them.

Let’s see how this goes…

Yep, that’s about as creative for a title as I want to get right now.

So, I want to write a ‘blog’ or keep a ‘blog’…something that keeps me honest in way, keeps me accountable to some sort of public publication that I…write to, post to.  I don’t feel like writing right now, or posting, but I’m doing it anyway.  There’s a lesson in that, even if this is a ‘meta’ and / or lame example.  At least I’m doing it.  Fuck being a perfectionist.  Being a perfectionist, or what could be deemed having a stuck up, nothing is quite good enough ‘bitch’ in your mind doesn’t serve anyone.  Give her a hug and sit her down on the bench (and call the police to have her arrested).  I want to say “fuck her” but I figure that’s too ‘much’.  But fuck it.  Fuck her.  Or him.  Whatever she / he is.  Here’s a post.  It’s good enough for now.

I’m gonna redo this…my first post.  Nothing special here other than posting a post that as I write it, I have no idea what it’s to be about other than conveying this one idea:  we often hold back on contributing to a blog or writing a friend or making that call or doing anything in a creative manner because in fact we’re not quite sure what we’ll say, or we’re hung up on it not being good enough for ‘prime time’ or otherwise letting the perfection monkey take over our head, hijacking our intentions and making us…not do or post anything.  Stay safe.  This is an old story and I’m sure you get what I’m talking about, so to that end:  this post!  A jumbled, clearly written off the cuff rough draft posted all the same in real time as a tatoo to this idea.  Just get it out there.  The good stuff will eventually come, and even if it doesn’t…at least you did something, put something out there.

Even as I write this the doubt monkey and his friend, second guessing ass hole interject:  “Look…I get it, this is cute and ‘fresh’, but if you’re serious, you’re going to ‘work hard’ and ‘sacrifice’ and only put really good, thought out, refined posts ‘out there’…not jumbled, sophomore middle school bull crap!”  They actually said that…bull crap.  It conveys the spirit of what they’re trying to say better than bullshit.  Bullshit is to sharp and precise.  They wanted to keep with the whole half ass, sophomore vibe.  Anyway, what do I say back?  You know, that may be the case, and in the future, I just might do that.  But I’m not going to let that keep me from posting now, because that attitude will just keep me from posting, maybe forever.  Or for years.  It’s happened before.  So, thank you, but fuck off.  I’ll post this now – and btw, it’s not sophomore garbage.  It is what is.  I think it’s good.  I wish more people wrote like this.

So for more future conversations with myself, come back soon.